Chained Memories
by XxLiLDragonxX
Summary: Vampire or human still I want what I cannot have, so I will admit it, I Bella Swan am greedy. But don't I have the right to be? Seeing everyone elses memories while mine slowly fade? Edward you are fading away so I will say it one last time, I love you...
1. Prolouge

Prologue

It's a roller coaster, it tares you down and builds you back up, and you take the good with the bad and the bad with the good. Ups and downs, highs and lows…and to think, you're just along for the ride, a seemingly endless ride. You take it for what it is worth, loops and all with of coarse a few complaints here and there. A few screams of fun and a few tears of fear and when you get brave, or maybe even reckless…tired of holding on…you let go; it's life. Well that is what it used to be for me but now it is just eternity, but personally I call it hell.

I have no heart that beats in my chest, my best friend was taken from me for reasons that started long ago, my family thinks I am dead, and the love of my life can do nothing for me. So now I am back to where I started, where it _all_ started; Forks Washington.

How it had changed, the roads gray and cracked, the houses sagging in with wood frames hanging by a hinge if hanging at all. Dead trees hung limp in the front yards, not even the grass had life left in it. The forest was even different, there was an ominous feel, the way the morning fog lay to rest on the ground, the silence… it had become a ghost town. All had changed except what lay beyond this line, this invisible line that has been apart of my life even before I became who I am, _what_ I am; a vampire. Beyond this point, and about thirty yards into neutral territory, that was where I was no longer allowed. _Werewolves_…Jacob Black.

The roads; still as winding as ever, where missing a few chunks of concrete here and there, giant potholes were everywhere. I could almost remember how every on of those were made. No, not almost I could see it as clear as my hand in front of my face. I have an excellent memory now; I can remember how they were made and who made them. My mind can move as fast as my running feet, that one was Jacob…Alice…Jasper…Emmett who made most of them, and so obviously because they look like comet craters. Esme who was so gentle…Quil…Sam…Another of Emmett's and a few more. All of this, a whole town, for me and I threw it all away. So here I am I have lost count how many times I have found myself standing alone in the empty town of Forks Washington, in front of this empty house. Not just any empty house, it was the _Cullens_ empty house it was _his_ empty house. _Edward_…


	2. Ghost House

Ghost House

"How many times are you going to come back here?" I tilted my head slightly over my shoulder not looking up at the owner of the feminine voice. Only after a second I turned back to the three-story house and all its glory. It stood strong in the outreaching trees that were trying to cast a shadow over it. Even with the chipping paint, shattered windows, and the white sheets that covered the furniture inside it was the most beautiful thing I had seen since I had been back here. After so long it stood a strong and as beautiful as the _ones_ that once lived there.

"I will come here until one day I can no longer find it." The black cloak lingered next to me and I saw her, she stood in front of a house just like I am now, it was her human home.

"Small towns don't last forever." She snapped me back to reality. Removing the hood from her head she glared at the house, _my home._

"You went back, you had hope." She turned to look at me with beauty almost comparable to that of Rosalie. Her beautiful brown hair lightly curled surrounded her face of stone and rested on her shoulders. Her golden cat eyes and thick lashes made her look like a princess right out of a movie or more like a procilen doll.

"Stay out of my memories!" That was my gift, to see memories. A strong one like hers will sometimes just appear to me, other times I have to dig for what I am looking for.

Pushing open the door to the glorious house whatever cold air had been trapped was released and rush of memories flooded my mind. My fingers traced the back of the couch; I saw lights, people, dancing, and my graduation party Alice threw. "Better question," She was leaning against he door. "How many more times do you think he will _let _you come back? You're irritating him."

"Lana, did Aro send you to follow me?" As interested as I was pretending to be, the occupation I had with what was under the next sheet showed her I was paying very little attention.

"No." She answered any way.

"Then why are you here?" Sitting down at the piano I saw _his_ hands begin the glide across the keys with such ease, mine followed his and I played with him. Together we played my lullaby and though it was not the same as him playing it for me at least I knew _he_ wrote it for _me. _As the melody rang through my ears I was oblivious to who's it was, the one I was playing or the one I remember hearing him play, but that did not matter to me. When I finished playing I realized that Lana had decided to stop entertaining my empty questions.

Recovering the piano I moved silently through the house seeing everything the way it used to be. Esme watching what ever interested her on TV, Emmett and Jasper in the kitchen finding anything they can gamble on and as elegant as ever Rosalie and her beauty came down stairs without even acknowledging my existents. How vivid and true this memory was. Up stairs Carlisle was in his study, which now was really just old discarded books. Alice was in her room with stacks upon stacks of CD and tapes from every year she had lived, her headphones were on her head and her spiky hair bounced with her head. But a few more paces down the hallway was the door I was looking for, the only door through the whole house that was closed, this was what I really came here for.

The closer I got to the door I thought about how it would be if I were still human. My legs would have turned to jell-o and the blood would have drained from my body, my heart beating in my head and my stomach in my throat. As for my brain, common scenes would have been out of the door and my subconscious would have taken over, dragging my feet one more step…then another…and another, until I would reach out and touch the handle, but only after hesitating. And for that split second I would come back to reality and ask myself if this was a good idea, but the longer I would debate with the other Bella that resided in the back of my head and only came out in the worst times possible, again my subconscious would take over and the next thing I knew the door would be open.

It had not changed, there was the bed I had been so difficult about sleeping in when Alice held me hostage on a bribe of a new yellow Porsche. And there was the couch that I slept on just in spite of Edward and now more willingly then ever, I climbed onto the bed taking in what little scent of his that was left. Scent? Is that why he kept this bed? Vampires do not sleep, but even after I was set free from Alice and her 'slumber party' he kept it. And now it was all I had left of him.

I remember that night he came back he laughed at me; I was so mad that I was being held against my will, but Alice was doing and even better job due to the Porsche sitting in her garage, and I called leaving him the most treating message I could, telling him I would be worse than any grizzly bear he had found on his 'hiking trip'. But he kissed me and I was warm butter in his cold hands. The sound of his laugh, the tingle of my spin when he ran his hand along my body pulling my leg around him, yes almost I could almost remember. It was ironic that I could see any memory of some one, even if they them selves do not remember, but there was something about Edward, slowly every part of him was becoming locked away some where in my memory that was not open to me. His scent was slowly fading and I had forgotten what he looked like, those golden eyes that used to take my breath away, the kiss that could make my heart beat so fast it felt like it had stopped, it was all fading.

"The _Cullens_, now why would the Volturi be so worried about them?" Pulled from my trance I sat up, I had been so lost in my world of fading memories that I did not notice anyone had come in.

"Chloe, you are here too?"

"Maybe you could tell me?" She ignored me.

"They are a fairly large coven for one, each of them are rather powerful. Each has been offered a spot in the Volturi but declined."

"Still no reason to have to keep an eye on them, they cause no trouble."

"That is not what Aro believes, Caius and Marcus as well. They think that the Volturi are-"

"You say it like you are not a Volturi now." We stepped away from the house.

"I am not." Though I did not mean to be so vile toward her but it was like an automatic defense. "I am a _Swan_, I am _Isabella Swan_"

"No need to get testy. I am just saying that one day you will realize you are no longer a human, Bella Swan is dead." She stopped in her tracks and faced me. She moved with such grace and ease, but things like that did not amaze me like they had when I was human because now, I could do them too. People marveled at me and guys drool over me just the way I had always seemed to go out of my way to make a fool of myself in front of Edward.

"Even if that is true, it does not change the fact that that was the name I was born with." I saw the laughter dance through her eyes.

"But you have been reborn. You are trying to hold on the something that is inevitable for you to keep, you will forget and it is tarring you apart." She turned her back to me, hiding whatever emotion had taken her over. "You will learn just as I did, letting go of your human name will set you free of all ties you my have to this world." Rarely she ever did this, Chloe was pretty good at keeping people out of her head and her memories locked away, but she let me see into apart of her.

_"You are awake now, took you long enough. Welcome to your new life." The man looked around. "Your new name is Clover, understand?"_

I felt waves of happiness wash over me, like all of my worries were lifted and I was starting over. Then she kicked me out. "Clovers, you were in a field of clovers." I knew exactly what she had let me see…it was the first moment she had ever opened her eyes to this world. I don't know what response I was hoping for, or what response you could give to that but I was expecting something and when I did not get it, I became agitated. "Not all of us have some one there to re-name us!" Chloe was my friend and I knew she meant well my name was just a touchy subject for me. I just could not let my name go…

"Just giving you an idea on a way to choose your new name." Now I heard the laughter in her voice.

"Would you two come on already?" Lana leaned against the tree, she had not been there for long but the way she spoke it seemed like she had been waiting for years.

"Yeah, leaving sound likes a great idea." Before either one could say a word I was in the forest, but not by myself for long. With in seconds they were there by my side like we had all been for years, together.

I am not sure how Lana came to be in this world or apart of the extended family of the Volturi, but I never asked, nor did I ever dig through her memories to find out. All I needed to know was that she was there for me no matter what. When I was a newborn I was chosen to go through training by the Volturi to master my powers. We were put into groups of three according to our human age, Lana eighteen was a few months my senior and Chloe was three years older than both of us. Lana was the sister I hated to love the annoyance factor, reminded me a bit of Alice. And Chloe was almost the mother figure, always taking care of us. Esme. When worse came to worse we were here for each other and I liked to think we were all a good team, a perfect balance.


	3. Envy

2.Envy

Returning to Italy was always the worst part of my little rendezvous, if there was one thing I did not like as a human or vampire it was attention, and that is exactly what I got every time I came back. "You can't be angry," Lana nudged me in the side. "You ask for this every time." She laughed.

"I didn't ask you to comment." I growled.

"Where are you going?" She looked at Chloe going in a different direction, and then looked at me.

"Why wait for them to summon me?" I stomped down the hall.

"You may enter." I stood waiting at the door. The guards opened them for me and slightly nodded as I passed. This room seemed so pointless to me, it was nothing but a giant space with three chairs on the opposite ends of the doors and a giant stair way to the right. With all my grace and poise I walked to the three chairs only the swooshing sound of my cloak as my company. Once in front of them; Marcus, Caius, and Aro, I followed custom removing my hood and taking my place on my knees, a sign of asking for forgiveness.

"This is getting tiresome." Marcus waved his hand and Caius grunted in agreement, his usual response to anything concerning me.

"Ah Bella, Bella, Bella," Aro sighed. "You really area angering me." From the sounds of his voice he seemed passive but Aro was always a happy being. And we all preferred to keep it that way because Aro tends to get mad about being mad and it just makes things worse for every one. There is only one thing that can cheer him up when he gets in one of those moods…the screams of the tortured, their screams could be heard through every hall way and room echoing in every ones ears. "It is times you be punished." If I had a heart, it would have stopped. "Leave us" he sighed. With out a word I stood and left. Deliberation began as soon as the doors locked me out. "Who shall punish her?" Silence. "…Surely you cannot expect me too?"

"Of course, you are the only reason she continues to defy us. You favor her and she knows it, if you punish her it will show we mean what we say!" I had to disagree with Marcus, I do not believe that Aro favors me; I believe he is only using me for my abilities. There was a moment of silence after Marcus spoke, most likely Caius putting his _thoughts _in. There was nothing left to hear, Caius was always like to 'speak' so I left.

"So what happened?" Lana almost jumped out of her skin at me the moment I walked through the door to my room where they waited.

"Aro will punish me." Some how my words did not scare me as much as they freaked Lana out. She had to bring up the past victims and how most do not survive.

"Well good luck, hope we can find another partner as good as you." She patted me on the shoulder.

"We won't." Chloe sighed. "She has been with us from day one." I laughed at their little joke. That moment was soon over when the knock for me came at my door.

"It is open." I answered much to quick for my comfort. What was I expecting to happen? Surly I would not be so quick as to rush to my death? Chloe and Lana sighed removing themselves from the room.

"You have thoughtful friends, do they know they could be punished as well?"

"I will be sure to pass that along."

"Good, now if you would be so kind as to follow me." Again all eyes were on me, if some one other than Jane was at Aro's side that meant the worst. I could hear whispers of their memories, the ones before me that walked my path, most did not survive. To some I was the young rebellious one who was getting what she deserved and to others…I was just another weakling.

The last face I saw in the line up was small and frail looking, but it smiled as me, it mocked me, happy to see where I was going; Jane. No doubt the one responsible for telling my whereabouts to the elders, she had always had a grudge against me for not being able to subject to her powers of the mind; her allusion of pain. Finally we reached the end of the hall but I refused to give Jane the satisfying thought of my fear so I opened the doors to my death room on my own allowing Aro to pass. "In a hurry are we?" He laughed once in the chambers

"I just want to get this over with."

"This?" He laughed. "What is it do you think I am going to do?" I looked around dumbly.

"Isn't it obvious, you are angry." He laughed some more.

"Did I say that?" I did not answer, why if he was only going to laugh? "Bella, I am not angry, only agitated and confused. I just cannot see why you keep choosing to defy me, why do you keep going back?"

"Jealousy." I ran my fingers across a row of knives dangling above a table.

"Ah yes, Envy one of the seven deadly sins. You should be careful about that, they will always get you into trouble. But really I just had to go through the notions of your 'punishment' I do not need others thinking I have gone soft over the millenniums. Though I believe I have gone a bit soft, you should have heard the screams I used to cause." He shivered with a smile. "But!" He clapped his hands moving about, beginning to sharpen his tools. "That is not what we are here to discuss." He picked the biggest, sharpest thing he could find and began running it over the sharpener. "Bell dear, what do you think your punishment should be?" I hated that question; it was entirely pointless because if it really mattered what I thought there would be no punishment! But I respected Aro in a weird way so I at least pretended to think about my answer though I was still a horrible liar. "Okay then," he laughed, I don't think that question was meant for me to answer any way. "Tell me this, what is it you are jealous of? What is it you are looking for?" I turned my head away pretending to be occupied with his torture toys. "No, no, no, none of that!" He put his finger under my chin pulling up my face to look him in his dark eyes. "I don't really want to have to punish you." He whispered. I did not want to be punished either, I rather liked my fingers and toes and what ever else that devised he was holding could pull off.

"Him."

"Edward Cullen?" I cringed at the sound of his name. "I see." He returned to his tools. "So what you envy are memories?" I was lost at how he had come to that conclusion. Though it was right, I did not tell him nor could he read my thoughts. "Bell, you are not the first to go through this, most who were turned against their will try everything in their power to keep their human memories, and anything else that has to do with their humanity."

"But I am different, they did not have to go through what I do. They do not have to walk by some one and see their memories or feel that exact way some one else felt!"

"And you are right." I did not even think he was listening he was so intense about sharpening his toys. "Bell, you _are_ going to forget, and maybe it would be for the best, it might make things easier because of the power you have. Did you ever think of that?"

"How would it make things easier? It hurts Aro!"

"Only for right now. You are still young so your human feeling are still intact and because you still have human values your memories are important to you. But now you are getting a hole in those memories and what you know is fighting with what you cannot remember." I tried thinking about it for a moment but what he said made no sense to me.

"I do not understand."

"You know Edward Cullen was real, and you know you loved him but you cannot remember his face. So you see it is not the memories that are hurting you, it is what you _know _you cannot remember and you envy that others know their memories are true and can paint such a perfect picture for you too see, right down to how they felt at that moment." It all made sense in a weird way, Aro made it all so obvious. "But," he continued. "If you would give it some time you will no longer have those memories so there would be nothing for you to know because you would have never known the Cullens, so you would not remember them." What! That was not what I wanted! Forget the Cullens, how could some one do that? Carlisle who always fixed my injuries, if I had to go to the hospital every time I had gotten hurt Charlie would have drowned in hospital bills. And Esme who treated me like her own daughter and got along so well with Renee? Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and Edward, who could forget them, who would want to forget them?

It matters so much right now because I _know_ they exist and I _know _I am forgetting them. But if Aro was right and I did forget it wouldn't matter because I wouldn't _know _I had forgotten anything. "It would be like they never existed…"

"Exactly."


End file.
